i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I think my vagina is haunted
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
