we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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