If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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