he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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