I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
