Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
