those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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