Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
