Your mouth is God's brothel.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
