Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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