thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I have grass duct taped all over my body
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
