I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
