I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
