reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
