The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
