New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
