My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Need sex. Gaining weight.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
