I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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