Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
