We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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