That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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