Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
