y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Randomize
