there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
