New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
