the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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