Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
