I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
A bitchslap is in order.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
