he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
