That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
