Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
