Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
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