Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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