I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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