My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize