Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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