you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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