Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Gay?
German.
Pity.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
