She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
