I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
