:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
This is classic penis vs brain.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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