It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
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I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
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She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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