I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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