Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
