We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
