ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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