I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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