Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
