I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Please don't give away my fajitas
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
