whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
