dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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