I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
