so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
