Already got asked if we're dating
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
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Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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