you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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