We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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