you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
