8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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