That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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