Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
