Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
