yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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