I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
