I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
