So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
