Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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