bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
