he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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