Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
