the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize