Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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