I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
