**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
